Here's the way to the next Whisky Bar

I ran across an article today that said a Scottish distillery is going to resume making a 184-proof whisky. That's not really my flavor anymore, but I know plenty of people that subscribe to a good throat-burning single malt. The Scots at the Bruichladdich distillery aptly named this liquor as Perilous Whisky, which sounds about right.

You can place your orders for it at $700 a case, but shipments won't start until they finish distilling it- ten years from now. That's pretty smart of the distillery, because I'll bet a significant fraction of the alcoholics that buy this stuff will probably forget about it by tomorrow. (So you're telling me I spent $700 on booz last night and got this tattoo?) For the people that are still drooling about this stuff, the overseas drunks attempted (and failed) at setting up webcams so you could watch the distilling process of the Perilous Whisky over the next decade. Talk about protecting your investment.

Sweet and Sour Deception

I've been studying intensely for a test I have tomorrow. So in between freecell games and checking my email, I decided to take a break and get some healthy brain food. By healthy brain food, I mean sketchy Chinese. I am a Chinese takeout connoisseur. I measure all takeout by their sweet and sour chicken. Egg Roll Chen in Columbia makes a photo-finish here, with Twin Dragon of Sumter closely following. Tonight I decided to patronize Hopsings.

Let me give you a little background about this place. I first discovered Hopsings when leaving my local grocery story (related link 1, related link 2). Back then it was called the Ocean Palace but it was closed. Upon closer inspection, I found a note on their door that said the Ocean Palace was closed due to personal reasons. Personal reasons? I hope everything is ok with these restauranteurs. Seasons changed, and still no resolution to the problems which kept the Ocean Palace closed. Until one day last fall they emerged from their cocoon made of dumplings as the new-and-improved Hopsings.

So I go there tonight to get some food. I walk in and expect to just have a normal, everyday take-out experience. Nope! Not this time.. within seconds I notice that the entire restaurant staff is white, except for some type of MexiCali hybrid working one of the grills. Shit! The last thing I need before this test is some sub-par eggdrop. Should I just walk out? Would that be rude?

Before everyone gets PC on me, let me just say that Devvy D does not judge anyone's sweet and sour chicken by the color of their skin. I just have alot riding on tomorrow and I can't afford any emotional trauma from a take-out failure.

So I suck it up and walk to the counter.

'What'll you have?' said the cashier with a thicker Southern accent than mine.

Damnit to hell.. I could still just pretend I thought this was Fedex and walk out.

'I'll take dinner combo #7.'

After he takes my order, the guy answers a call-in order. And get this.. he starts slinging a Chinese accent. Ls were pronounced as Rs. What the Hell? What happened to the days of legit take-out? These Hopsingers are just bambloozing my fellow gluttons left and right.

I check the place out while waiting on my order. This cartoon from the menu pretty much sums it all up:


I also notice that they serve Chinese, Thai, and Japanese food. So maybe the guy manning the grill was actually some type of uber East-Asian chef? That's reassuring. Also, the Post and Courier rated them as the best Asian Takeout in 2005.

I finally get my food and make it home. Let me just say, it was delicious. Not quit ERC delicious, but good enough for tonight. So I guess I owe the cracker staff of Hopsings an apology.. yall are alright, even if you did forget my fortune cookie.

Let's Take it Up a Notch

I was watching my line-up of cartoons this past Sunday when I saw an Axe body spray commercial describing some guy as a 'one-upper.' An example of a one-upper is someone that upon being told a story, they instinctively respond with a similar story.. except that it is better, more absurd, and just cooler than your's. I've been a magnet for these type of people for decades. (It's not hard to detect them, because once you engage in conversation with them you can tell they're not really listening- they're just waiting for their chance to talk again.) I'm not certain of it, but I'm pretty sure I coined this term years ago. I consulted with LJ from that other blog, and he told me that he 'heard it on Seinfeld.' But I've been googling this term and have only found two sites that used the one-upper in the same context. One was published on 2.17.2006, but that's years after I added this description into my lexicon. The other usage was in a movie review of Get Bruce by Roger Ebert in 1999. I've never even heard of this movie, much less read a critique of it. I'm just gonna go ahead and publicly state that I came up with the description of someone being a 'one-upper.'

By the way, check out the cast in Get Bruce. Whoopi, Robin Williams, Lily Tomlin, Raquel Welch, and Steven Seagal all playing as themselves? I might have to check this out. As another aside, I'd just like to inform yall that I should be studying for an oral surgery midterm as I write this. The fact that my all-time favorite movie, Life is Beautiful (La Vita e Bella), is on made it easier to put down the books. Unfortunately, the movie channel is airing the English dubbed version.. which is blasphemous. If you've seen this movie, props to ya.. I guess you all aren't the uncultured swine I mistook you for. If you haven't, I highly recommend getting a bottle of red wine and renting this one (just make sure you get the subtitled version). It'll make you laugh out loud and then make you really mad a minute later- kinda like hanging out with me.

Anyway, back to my original point.. I'm gonna set the record straight on another term. Wait, not term... but... DevTerm(tm)!

1. The nickname 'Weasel' - I wasn't the one to shorten this to the more commonly spoken 'Weezy,' but I'm pretty sure I was the first to state 'that guy seems like a Weasel.'

2. If I was feeling abit more self-absored right now, I would say that I brought the phrase 'It's time to take it up a notch!' to the sport of drinking. I know, I know.. that Emeril guy routinely uses it before commercials. But I've never seen him yell out 'We're taking it up a notch' at a bar after ordering a BakerBomb (chilled shot of Wild Turkey and Bacardi 151). If you've got issue with all of this, tough. I'm gonna have to pull the 'It's my blog' card.

Anyway, sorry for the late (boring) post.. my excuse is that it'll be hard to one-up this past weekend since we took it up a notch.

Crummy: Anyone Up for Hunting?

Unless you have been living under Big Momma’s House this week you’ve heard about the Vice President shooting a 78-year-old Austin lawyer in a hunting “accident.” Anyway, apparently this guy is some kind of bigwig Republican donor. The press has had a field day with this whole thing. I guess because VP Cheney “failed” to alert the Washington press directly, he was clearly eluding his responsibility to be truthful to the American people. Also, keeping the shooting quiet for nearly . . . 12 . . . hours is surely a secretive executive cover-up. The owner of the ranch fed the story to some local paper and that has pissed off those stuffy DC reporters. I think the real reason the press has lashed out is because they are suffering from a bruised ego. The President was also supposed to be up-to-date on incident and the White House Press Secretary became a jerk for failing to have enough information about it. Sometimes the press is impossible. They tried to drum up any problems with the whole hunting experience. One source reported that the VP had his Texas hunting license but had failed to pay the required $7 for a special sticker in order to hunt for quail on the side of a large tree when drinking a beer at lunch. (The VP’s office informs us that a $7 check was mailed Monday morning)

Of course, the Democrats have been making their snide comments and opining on the secrecy of the Bush Administration. Reading these remarks, I’m thinking, there is a man, apparently only 78 years young, dying from birdshot lodged in his heart and the ruthless Democrats are using it as a pulpit to proclaim the lack of candor coming from White House. While I do not necessarily disagree with the secrecy of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, I hardly think that feeding the story outside of DC rises to the level of secrecy. The illustrious Senator Clinton (D-NY) found Cheney’s apparent secrecy to be “troubling.” You know what I find troubling . . . One, Clinton is a Senator; Two, Clinton only lived in New York for the minimum time required to run for office; Three, Clinton could not have become the Senator from Arkansas because she sucks and because she is the female version of a cuckold (unfortunately, I could not find the appropriate term); Four, New Yorkers must have lost their minds in 2000 or it might have been because Rudy would have won in a landslide but had to pull out because of some unremembered medical problem; Five, four should be enough.

Aside from the “cover-up,” there is a real issue at stake in this scenario. How come no one is mentioning the fact that a hunting “accident” could quite possibly be the easiest way for a VP to commit murder and get away with it? Isn’t it possible that this old man lawyer had threatened the VP with some sort of blackmail or, heaven forbid, give money to the Democrats instead. You know, when Karl Rove is running the show, anything is possible and drastic times call for drastic measures.

***In order to clarify and avoid being secretly wiretapped, I am only joking about Cheney and Rove being involved in a secret, cover-up conspiracy to murder a hunting partner. Maybe this is why no one is bringing this up . . . ***

Hodgepodge

It's been a pretty long week for me, as I expected. Not much sleep. Not much beer. Lots of chocolate though. Anywho, so all I can give you for entertainment is this:



Isn't that picture hilarious? That dog's wearing socks. If you don't think that's funny, well then..




I know that's pretty slack, but atleast I didn't send those pictures out in a Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: email. Also, I joined an Fantasy Nascar group. My drivers are:

Greg Biffle
Jamie McMurray
Dale Earnhardt Jr.
Dale Jarrett
Robby Gordon
Elliot Saddler
Kyle Petty
Ken Schrader

I don't know much about Nascar, but I do know that rubbin' is racin'.

Karma, baby!

It seems like there is always one killer month each semester in my grad program. Last year, it was Red October. This semester's troubling month is known only as 'February.' I've been going through the motions of studying all day.. made a trip to the library, washed some clothes, and picked up some milk. As is usual on Sunday cram sessions, I decided to go pick up some dinner around 7:45 so I could come home and catch The Simpsons. So I went by Jason's Deli and since I was feeling that I should eat something healthy, I only ordered half of a beefeater and their soup. (For the soup, I chose their Texas chili. What else?) I felt the need to order quickly, because this guy was picking up an order for his family and was hovering around the cashier.

Let me take a moment and make sure this is clear: I am not turning the SoD into one of those 'I took a shower today at 7:25AM and picked up a iced chai for breakfast' type of banal, narcissistic blogs. There is a point to this, and if you'll let me continue, you'll see it.

'Ok sir, if you'll just have a seat I'll call you when it's ready.'

Damn, 7:53 already.. it's gonna be tough to make it back for the show. Come on people, how long does it take to melt some cheese over a pound of meat?

'Your order is ready,' said the cashier as she handed me two bags.

What's the point of putting the chili in its separate bag? And furthermore, if we're going to segregate side items, why aren't the pickle and the potato chips in their own bags? Well, I guess the potato chips are in their own bag.. damn, maybe I should get a 'script for some Adderall.

So anyway, I make it back around 8:05. No big deal, it's a rerun anyway.. I can recite any dialogue I've missed. I open bag #1 to find a sandwich, pickle, and chips. I open bag #2 to find 2 more sandwiches, 2 pickles, and 2 bags of chips.

Shit, they gave me that guy's order. What do I do now? Do I drive back there on my nickel, miss my television show, and totally throw off my study schedule? Will the guy even be there? What if Jason's Deli just made him some replacement sandwiches? Who loses in this situation? The Jason's Deli stockholders? ARE THEY EVEN INCORPORATED?!

I decided to keep the mistaken sandwiches, and to keep stellar karma, I gave my roommate one. So while I ate this starving family's honey-mustard drenched turkey sandwich, I realized that good things do happen to good people.

And if you scoff at this, check this old post. That should show I have some type of emotion. Well, it shows that atleast I am aware of the emotions of others and can, at the very least, empathize with them.. which is all I would want in return.

Photographical Hiatus

So after many drunken excursions and a camping trip that was filled with ocean mist, my camera finally called it quits in a myriad of ways. I can't blame it, the camera has been through alot. That goes with the territory of being a ground-zero photojournalist. So anyway, I hunted down the original box to look up my warranty information and customer service numbers. I have to rate Sony at 6 beers out of a 6 pack on this one. I spoke to a live person after pressing a few numbers, and after 2 diagnostic tests she was ready to give me the information on where to send the camera. All expenses were paid and they've guaranteed it to be fixed within 10 days.

Unfortunately, that means the SoD will be more textual for the next few weeks. So now might be a good time for you slack-jawed yokels to get hooked on phonics. I've already seen a few shots I regret not being able to capture like:

-A perfect rainbow coming out of a fountain

-Go cart monster derby

-Chap chasing a cat up a tree

Crystal Steph

It's pretty coincidental, but just the other day I was talking with a friend of mine about how I don't know many people that do crystal meth. It has such a cool name. Say it outloud, "Crystal Meth."

"Hey man, can I call you back later.. I'm about to do some crystal meth."

"Working in the yard all day sure does make me want to do some crystal meth."

Feel free to make up your own.

So anyway, there are two people on my list of meth users. That is, until I stumbled onto this news article. That's right, former child-star Jodie Sweetin recently admitted to overcoming a crystal meth addiction. For those who are still wondering, Jodie Sweetin played Stephanie Tanner on the show Full House.

Some interesting notes from the article:

-She was married to a cop while hooked.

-Former cast members John Stamos, Bob Saget, and the Olsen twins held an intervention for her. I can only imagine the dialogue here:

"Steph, can you come here for a second?"
"Sure thing Uncle Jessie."
"Are you on meth?!"
(synchronized) "You're in big trouble mister."

Since I have your attention, I'm gonna take a second and publicly state that Bob Saget isn't funny. Yes, I understand the shock value in Saget going from nice dad to extremely crude comic. If you disagree, go rent The Aristocrats.

Here's a reward for those that are still reading: So while I was searching for an online article about Sweetin's addiction, I found this. Check out the discussion boards. Here's an excerpt:

Subj: A MESSAGE TO JODIE SWEETIN
Date: Mon, 5-13-96 22:58 GMT
From: BRADLEY JAMES JR
Posted from: 207.0.133.xx
Message:
HI JODIE SWEETIN I'M A BIG FAN OF YOURS AND I SENT YOU A LETTER
ON APRIL THE 10TH AND HAVE NOT SEEN A PICTURE OF YOU IN THE MAIL
YET BECAUSE IT SAID IF I SENT A SELF SAMED ADERSSD ENVOLOP
YOU WOULD SEND A PICHERT TO ME OF YOUR SELF I WOULD BE
SO HAPPY IF YOU WOULD GET BACK TO ME THROUGH THE MAIL
THANK YOU YOUR FAN BRADLEY JAMES JR

Music: Upcoming Concerts (update)

I forgot to include these two upcoming shows in my previous post.

March 12th - Baumer - The Map Room

April 8th - The Fray - The Windjammer

Check out the Map Room's website. I'm a fan of this venue. Also, I highly recommend "How to Save a Life" by The Fray. It's one of those cds you can just let play from beginning to end.

"Over My Head"

Here's a little excerpt from track 3, which bears the same name as their album:

"As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed"

Crummy: Saludos Amigos

Having already paid over $600 in gas bills for this winter to heat my home in the warmest December and January in recorded history, I broke down and bought an electric blanket. Yes, it has been warm, even in Ohio. Ignoring the obvious fire risks that an electric blanket creates, there are other major drawbacks to turning the heat down and wrapping yourself in an electric blanket. First, you are limited to a very confined area, namely, your bed or couch. Second, any part of your body (i.e., your remote control hand) outside of the blanket automatically freezes. Third, the previous two reasons result in the watching of some poor television. This leads me to the point; I stumbled upon a cartoon/documentary by Walt Disney: "Saludos Amigos."



This documentary is hilarious. Of course, it includes cartoons starring Donald Duck and Goofy. But also, the cartoons depict the funniest aspects of the Mexican stereotype. Ole Walt and his enlightened attempt to expose us Yanks to the cultures of the world. We even got live action video of the Disney gang touring around south-of-the-border and drawing. Imagine that, a movie showing the cartoonists drawing the cartoons. I call that pure genius. Without the electric blanket, I would have changed the channel.

On a side note, is anyone else concerned that Peter Brady is doing workout machine infomercials or that they still play reruns of Roseanne?

In honor of the Super Bowl, check this out.