Crummy: Anyone Up for Hunting?

Unless you have been living under Big Momma’s House this week you’ve heard about the Vice President shooting a 78-year-old Austin lawyer in a hunting “accident.” Anyway, apparently this guy is some kind of bigwig Republican donor. The press has had a field day with this whole thing. I guess because VP Cheney “failed” to alert the Washington press directly, he was clearly eluding his responsibility to be truthful to the American people. Also, keeping the shooting quiet for nearly . . . 12 . . . hours is surely a secretive executive cover-up. The owner of the ranch fed the story to some local paper and that has pissed off those stuffy DC reporters. I think the real reason the press has lashed out is because they are suffering from a bruised ego. The President was also supposed to be up-to-date on incident and the White House Press Secretary became a jerk for failing to have enough information about it. Sometimes the press is impossible. They tried to drum up any problems with the whole hunting experience. One source reported that the VP had his Texas hunting license but had failed to pay the required $7 for a special sticker in order to hunt for quail on the side of a large tree when drinking a beer at lunch. (The VP’s office informs us that a $7 check was mailed Monday morning)

Of course, the Democrats have been making their snide comments and opining on the secrecy of the Bush Administration. Reading these remarks, I’m thinking, there is a man, apparently only 78 years young, dying from birdshot lodged in his heart and the ruthless Democrats are using it as a pulpit to proclaim the lack of candor coming from White House. While I do not necessarily disagree with the secrecy of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, I hardly think that feeding the story outside of DC rises to the level of secrecy. The illustrious Senator Clinton (D-NY) found Cheney’s apparent secrecy to be “troubling.” You know what I find troubling . . . One, Clinton is a Senator; Two, Clinton only lived in New York for the minimum time required to run for office; Three, Clinton could not have become the Senator from Arkansas because she sucks and because she is the female version of a cuckold (unfortunately, I could not find the appropriate term); Four, New Yorkers must have lost their minds in 2000 or it might have been because Rudy would have won in a landslide but had to pull out because of some unremembered medical problem; Five, four should be enough.

Aside from the “cover-up,” there is a real issue at stake in this scenario. How come no one is mentioning the fact that a hunting “accident” could quite possibly be the easiest way for a VP to commit murder and get away with it? Isn’t it possible that this old man lawyer had threatened the VP with some sort of blackmail or, heaven forbid, give money to the Democrats instead. You know, when Karl Rove is running the show, anything is possible and drastic times call for drastic measures.

***In order to clarify and avoid being secretly wiretapped, I am only joking about Cheney and Rove being involved in a secret, cover-up conspiracy to murder a hunting partner. Maybe this is why no one is bringing this up . . . ***