Christmas Break

How do blonde brain cells die?

Alone.

This past break was one of the best ever. I'm fully recharged on sleep. I've gained about 7 pounds. I also got to hang out with all of my family and a variety of friends, including the two pictured above. Pics are up. Anywho, I've got chili to cook and Gamecock football to watch. Happy New Year.

Good Commercial

The Trifecta

As far back as I remember, I have never been able to make microwavable popcorn. Maybe our microwave isn't calibrated. Maybe it has to do with the atmospheric pressure in my hometown. I'm not sure. All I know is everytime I try to make popcorn I end up with either a bag full of kernels or a bag of ash. I went by my favorite video store last night and stocked up on a few new releases. When I returned home I decided to make some of this delicious, buttery popped corn. The instructions on the bag said to microwave on high for 4 minutes, but then I saw a button on the microwave labelled 'popcorn.' So I put the bag in the microwave and pressed this designated button and hit start.

Well the microwaved pre-set only nuked the bag for 2 minutes, but the bag said 4. What do I do now? Yield to the microwave and risk a bag of half-cooked popcorn? Or do I go all in? We all know the answer to this one.

So I popped it in for another two minutes and went off looking for my Homer Simpson slippers. I come back to a kitchen filled with smoke, the dog's barking, parents are yelling, the smoke detector is signaling Code Red, and my cinematric snack is burnt. Dammit to hell, guess I'll just have to eat that guacamole.



(fast forward 30 minutes)

Just as I'm about to finish off this green mayonaise-ish snack and become emotionally invested in this movie, my phone rings from an unknown number. Against my better judgement, I answered.

Chick: Hey hunny, I got a babysitter for the kids.. come out and meet me at the bar.

(a midnight prank call from a fan.. this should be fun)

Me: I would, but I'm finding neverland, as it were.
Chick: You never have time for me.
Me: Well, I am a big deal. Who are you?
Chick: You know who this is. Who are you?
Me: Who am I? WHO AM I? You must be out of your damn mind. When I'm in power I'll have your tongue cut out.
Chick: That's it, I want a divorce. I want the kids.
Me: Wait, I'm sure we've had our differences, but maybe we can work this out.
Chick: I want Chap too.
Me: You stay away from my dog, you monster!
Chick: What about this formal you're going to? I bought a raccoon skinned dress for it.
Me: Excellent, that should match my vest nicely. I hope you got that at a discount, along with your Southern accent.


Damn, there goes my marriage.

So I continue to watch my movie when the DVD freezes about an hour into it. I try to fix it, but nothing gives.

Burnt my popcorn. Getting a divorce. And now the DVD is broken. Good thing I'm not a rageholic anymore, or any one of these minor setbacks would have turned me into a madman. In fact, I haven't even had an ounce of ragehol in months. I feel fine. Everything is ok. I'll just pop in the other movie I rented, National Treasure.

I watched 30 minutes of it before setting my DVD player on fire.

The Wedding

So Ludge’s wedding ended up being round 2 for the bachelor party. We started drinking three days before the actual event. We drank before the rehearsal. We drank after the rehearsal. Hell, we even drank 30 minutes before the actual nuptials.

I couldn’t be happier for LJ.. I mean, if you had one last chance at having a good time, how else would you want to spend it? It would be hard to top that motley crew pictured above. I guess it’s like being an inmate on death row and getting one last meal. Well, he got 7 whole courses.. 3 of which were covered with sauces with French names. I guess it all worked out in the end..

Professionalism at its best

"That's Doctor, to you.."

Almost done..

NO BEER AND NO SLEEP MAKE DEV something something!

Dealing with the Public (Part II)

Apparently the grocery store I frequent is a magnet for bizarre activity, especially when I'm there.

Me: I forgot my bonus card, can you look it up by phone number?
Cashier: Don't worry about it, I got you..

While I was checking out, I noticed the cashier in the next aisle was cracking up with her customer. I overheard something like "yeh it's asleep, but it woke up once we got to the produce area." That statement got me a little curious (and nervous).

So while I was figuring out the steps to get some cash back, the neighboring customer came to show my cashier the 'it' that was in her pocket. That 'it' turned out to be a fucking squirrel. Sorry, everyone at the Summer of Dev(tm) fully believes in keeping this friendly to all readers.. but she had a fucking squirrel in her pocket.

I finished paying and was about to leave, but an opportunity like this doesn't come around everyday (or does it?).. so I approached the lady.

Me: Hey lady, lemme see that squirrel.
Lady: Oh sure..
Me: Mind if I take a picture?
Lady: Aww, go ahead! Want a profile shot?

(Before she could finish her question I had already taken it.)


Lady: Watch this, when I scratch him behind the ears his legs shake.
Me: That's cool, I actually have a domesticated pet at home that does the same thing..

Keep in mind that this is the same grocery store that had the canine go-cart. I'm not sure what exactly is going on. The only possible explanation I have is that everytime I go to the grocery store I get shuttled through some Space-Time Warp and actually end up shopping in Spartanburg.

Pure Genius

I was tempted to steal this entire site and claim it as my own, but I just couldn't do it. Check it out, it compares two of my favorite things..

and

Check it out

Having Faith

Me: Hey man, sorry we didn't meet up. Wanna get some food?
Tick: Sure. I need to get some cash though.
Me: Naw, I gotcha.. I'll pick you up in a little.

-----

Waitress: What you want sugar?
Me: I'll take a cheesesteak and a water.
Tick: I'll just get a double order of hashbrowns with onions and cheese. Lemme get those hashbrowns burnt.
Me: Tick, you gotta top that off with some chili.




Waitress: Here's yall's bill, just pay whenever yall are ready.

So I get my wallet out, and open it to find two bar receipts and a fortune cookie message. No big deal, I usually just cram money in my pockets anyway. Nope. Maybe there's cash in my jacket pockets? Nope.

Me: Uh Ticker, I need you to chill out here while I go run to the ATM. If the waitress asks anything, just tell her I'm in the bathroom.



Me: Don't worry, I'll be back in 2 minutes..

New Grad School

I'm founding the West Ashley Clown College.

Capital City baseball

Goodbye Bombers. I'm glad they're in the upstate.

Hellooooo Blowfish! Yup, that's right.. the Capital City Stadium will be the proud home of the newest Coastal Plains League baseball team, the Columbia Blowfish. Unfortunately, they will still struggle with ticket sales.



...and the SoD hits the 1,000th mark.