Crummy: Anyone Need Representation?

While surfing the Internet this week I discovered several individuals who appear to need either good representation or a change to better representation.

- Mr. (I use that term loosely) Alan Patton who evidently has a weakness for children’s urine. The police in a city not far from my own reported that Patton is addicted to the stuff much like a “crack or cocaine addict.” But, by far, the most interesting statement Patton made was that drinking the yellow stuff makes him feel like he’s “drinking their youth.” Maybe this guy is the reason my mom always told me not to eat the yellow snow.

- Mr. Peter Hickock who managed to get a confirmed .345 blood-alcohol level. I will venture a guess that several of us have achieved such a rate, however, we have never actually had the police record such a level. Luckily for him it takes a .35 to go into a coma. Hickock’s (sharing a name with a famous cowboy alcohol slinger, Wild Bill) problems only begin there. Apparently his five-year-old daughter phoned 911, which means he will probably go away for child endangerment. Where was the girl’s mother, you ask? Why she was in Hawaii of course, probably far away from nice frozen drinks served in a pineapple.

- Ms. Melissa Cheeney who jumped a five-month pregnant referee. The game: city sponsored basketball league for 10 and 11-year old boys. The situation: pregnant ref and some bad calls. The beat down: Cheeney grabbed the ref by her hair, threw her to the ground, and kicked her several times. It is reported that the baby is doing fine. I have an issue with the director of the league. He is reported as saying that basketball is not about whether you win or lose but only about the kids having a positive experience. While I agree that the kids should play to have fun I am reminded of a quote I once heard, “It isn’t about whether you win or lose as long as I win.”

- Ms. Sharen Gravelle who kept her special needs children in cages. This woman is in some serious need of better representation. She testified IN COURT that these kids requested that she build these cages for them to sleep in. Yeah lady, we believe that special needs children would want to be in cages, and even if they did request it, THEY ARE SPECIAL NEEDS KIDS and YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER. The important part of this case is the ridiculous legal advice her attorney is giving her. How could this attorney put her on the stand to testify about something as incriminating as that? Here’s the kicker, her attorney, a Mr. Ken Myers, asked her the question. If I were the judge, “Ms. Gravelle I think you should find another attorney because this guy just plain sucks.”

- Mr. Joran van der Sloot who was(is?) a major suspect in the Natalee Holloway disappearance goes On the Record with Greta. I just have to say that this kid needs to find a better lawyer. Does this kid not have someone advising him that it is stupid to go onto a show with a former prosecutor who is going to twist and bend every word that you say in front of a worldwide audience? Greta, who I have a personal distaste for, asked him questions like, “Were you still feeling the effects of that one drink you had at noon when you met up with Natalee and her friends at 10 pm?” Certainly sounds like he wasn’t drunk to me, but then again I’m not trying to find someone to fry for Ms. Holloway’s disappearance.