penny: this is not 'nam smokey, there are rules

hello to all, i trust you all enjoyed your weekends in the typical fashion.
while we're on the subject, lets have a little pep talk. i'm sure that in your mind as you spend a night on the town you represent yourself as the pinnacle of class. well, for the most part, you're an idiot.
as the 'patron saint of the service industry', i feel it has become my duty to inform all of you as to the do's and dont's at your favorite watering hole. ive been at this bartending thing for a while and have noticed, even at my new job, people are always making the same stupid mistakes. now before you rush to buy a new 'hehateme' jersey, this little expose will only help you stand out from all the huddled jackasses standing beside you at my bar. i stress MY bar. remember that the bartender can be your best friend or your worst enemy. would you rather have free drinks or terrible service?
before you remind me i work for tips, believe me when i say that i can afford to neglect customers. every bartender does. we ignore stupid customers because, surprise surprise, they're usually the worst tippers. and so i proudly present....

PENNY'S BAR TIP OF THE WEEK



dont be this guy...the draft beer inquisitor. granted, some customers have better eye sight than others. but come on people, don't stand directly next to the draft beer handles and ask me what i have on tap. 3 million sperm and YOU were the fastest? take some initiative and READ the handles yourself. try to remember that im too busy working to hold your hand and walk you through the ordering process. common sense, baby!