Crummy: The Duke Lacrosse Scandal

Crummy: The Duke Lacrosse Scandal

We at the SoD have empanelled a group to determine our official stance on the Duke Lacrosse Team scandal. After thorough debate and countless hours of viewing 24-hour news we have come to several conclusions:

1. The victim is definitely a past, present, and/or future stripper who has had her share of run-ins with the law. Apparently, this woman is sometimes strapped for cash and enjoys high-speed driving even though she may or may not have rights to the car.

2. It is ridiculous for a District Attorney to continue to bring a rape case prosecution when the DNA evidence is not in his favor. Judge Andrew Napolitano, Fox News legal contributor, has it right - No prosecutor has ever brought a reported rape case in which the DNA evidence is against him. At this point, without more, the DNA evidence clears all members of the Duke Lacrosse team.

3. The District Attorney is continuing to bring the case for some other reason. Possible reasons: got cut from the lacrosse team in high school and hasn’t been able to forgive those unfair bastards ever since, hates Duke in general because he went to UNC, or last and least, he has other strong evidence. We tend to think it is either the first or second reason, but we invite your comments.

4. At least one of the Duke Lacrosse players is a total moron. In an email sent a couple of hours after the alleged event, one player said he wanted to invite more strippers over and kill them and skin them. Somehow, his attorney tried to claim it wasn’t so bad a comment and even clears him of wrongdoing. However, how do you defend an email where a guy says that he wants to skin someone? Tip: Do Not Say Anything In An Email That You Would Not Want The Public To See! Verdict: Guilty by Reason of Complete Stupidity and Lack of Decency.

5. All but three (only three were accused) of the Duke Lacrosse players have been punished by the school, community, media, and police for doing absolutely nothing.

SoD Official Verdicts:

43 - Not Guilty
3 – Not Guilty, but Stupid
1 – Guilty By Reason of Complete Stupidity and Lack of Decency

We invite your comments, verdicts, and other relevant evidence.

One last comment not necessarily reflecting the views of all of us at SoD: It is about time that the media stops being the judge, jury, and executioner of everyone SUSPECTED of a crime. Let them have their day in court!

Oh yeah, Duke is Puke.