The Jug Returns

It returned for round 2.


Long has this bottle haunted me. It's been almost SEVEN years and I've avoided that 3 liter jug of the 'cheapest, driest, red wine.' So what brought it back?

Well, a few weeks ago I found myself drowning in awkward conversation. Drowning in awkward conversation in the one of the most awkward settings I can be in. I kill the silence with stories about how well I can sew throw pillows, how I like Celine Dion, and about my new talent in ironing. Realizing the picture I was painting, I decide to tell my tough-as-nails story about the Jug-o-Wine(tm).

For the ignorant, the basis of the story is that during my freshman year in college I decided to drink a bottle while listening to Dayroom's one hit wonder 'Cheap Bottle o' Wine.' (I highly recommend the previous link if you never had the opportunity to hear them.) During the binge, I somehow lost consciousness only to wake up to 'friends' advancing with shaving cream and toilet paper. Luckily, I used to carry a buck knife and somehow during the fisticuffs that ensued half of my thumb was cut off. 7 hours in the emergency room.. 6 stitches.

So.. that doesn't make you tough, just stoopid...

Well, 2 weeks and a 'script for some antibiotics later and I decide it's time to take out the stitches.. myself. Unfortunately, I used a dull pair of scissors which consequently frayed the nylon suture. The split wire then snagged random fascia and capillaries on its way out but I finished the mission regardless.

The story doesn't carry much weight anymore, so I figured an encounter with The Jug would help enlighten.